MicroSlams

I feel that I may have coined that term: MicroSlams. Maybe not, but let’s pretend Google does not exist and nobody can check up on it.

So, a MicroSlam is when someone, usually a blogger or commenter, uses an alternate spelling of Microsoft that really sticks it to the company. Ya know – really gives the multibillion dollar company the business. Maybe even zings Bill Gates directly. They’re kind of like the pictures of Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes where he is peeing on the logos of car companies – the ones you see in the back windows or bumpers of pickup trucks. Personally, I don’t really understand either of them, but boy do I love ’em!

So I ran into one recently that I thought was simply brilliant. My guess is that it came from a former writer of Mad Magazine parodies, like maybe the guy who came up with “Flawrence of Arabia” or “Star Roars.” I tell ya, it’s hard to even type this post, because I am still doubled up with laughter. How people can be so clever, I’ll never know.

So, here it is, in all its glory:

Micr0$uck$ LoseDoze8. Nice.

But wait, there’s more. Now, some of the following are from some pretty old websites, but that just goes to show you how long this glorious pasttime has been around. Why, I wouldn’t be suprised to learn that Paul Allen heard Bill say “Microsoft” for the first time and immediately said something to the effect of, “Microsoft? More like Craprosoft! Tee Hee.” Those guys were huge jokers back in the day I bet. Here are some other nice examples:

Genius!

Bravo!

Shakespearean!

Huzzah!

Now, that last one comes from a very old website, but it really is worth a look. When you have some extra time on your hands, like probably now, head on over to the ol’ Microshaft Internet Exploder homepage. It’s a hoot.

Look. We all have guilty pleasures. Like enjoying the music of Air Supply or Pink. Or things we say that make us feel cool, even though we know we sound stupid. Like “dude” or “sweet.” But, from what dark region of the soul comes pleasure derived from taking multinational companies down a notch via anonymous and poorly-crafted bon mots? I have not yet read the blockbuster best-seller Fifty Shades of Grey, so perhaps there is something in there that might explain it.

I guess I don’t know why this should bother me so much. Maybe it is because mispronouncing things as a form of comedy seems to be an old-guy thing, and I fear becoming an old guy. I think it starts when you become a father. You get lazy with your comedy, because kids laugh at everything. Then your kids grow up and think you’re an idiot, but you are too weak and feeble to bring back your good stuff. Then you log onto the Internet and post something stupid because its late in the evening and your blood sugar is all funny. Then you log on again later and find out that other idiots on the internet think you are funny, and add more funny things to your post. Then its all over…

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