My Fascination With Precious Metals & Superlatives

I think that software companies should be required to choose at least two precious metals/superlatives when describing their wares. It should be kind of like calling every new flavor of thing “extreme,” but more intense and exciting. When I see Trend Antivirus Plus, I can’t possibly know what that product does – can’t do it. But, add in something like Gold, and you get Trend Antivirus Plus, Gold Edition. NOW I can kind of understand what it does. It must, I don’t know, do something really good (because it’s gold) with, virus things. Still can’t be sure if it maybe gives you viruses, or maybe takes them away – I don’t know, I only know it is good at what it does because of the “gold” in the name. What if it was Trend Security Gold? Security is always good, so that is a better name. But Gold? I don’t know, I have a gold ring, and so do most people I bet. Gold doesn’t even seem special anymore. What about Titanium? That is even better, I could almost get behind Trend Titanium Security. My computer would be so shiny and secure, nothing could get in! Or could it? Maybe if I knew it couldn’t get any better. Hmmmm… How about adding that superlative? Let’s get Maximum in there somehow. How about Trend Titanium Maximum Security! Yes! A thing could not get any better at what it was doing than if it was called that. Oh wait, what about Premium? Is that better than Maximum. Now I am confused. Premium is the best kind of gas, but I though maximum was the very top level that could be achieved. And what if I find an Ultimate version of the same product? Maybe if they could sell me Trend Titanium Premium Maximum Total Security Suite, Diamond Edition, I could sleep at night. Nah, I’d still have some doubt. I mean, they didn’t even mention any of the Lanthanides or Actinides. Another sleepless night…


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